true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
