literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
