I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
