Sry I called you an 8
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
