Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
