people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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