Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Sober January is a disaster.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize