just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
