I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize