apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
