YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
