I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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