We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
