just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
