had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
