just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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