I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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