too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
