His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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