my sisters under your porch take her home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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