i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
