you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
