had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize