I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
