i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
