i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
