I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What drink are we having for lunch?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want a musical about memes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
