I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
