i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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