Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
