you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
