A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
