I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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