Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a hot homeless man
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize