he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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