Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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