Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
