I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I believe in your delicious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
