How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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