I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
