Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
