1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
