***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize