i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize