He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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