eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
