Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize