dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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