I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
