i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
