I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
