guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
