Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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