it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
