I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize