Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
