Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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