She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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