and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
