How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
