I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
