i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
