My hand turned me down
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
